After my awful experience with the Effervescent Cupcake Drink Tabs from ThinkGeek, I was hesitant to try the bacon-flavored tabs I also ordered. However, in the name of science, I decided to give them a shot anyway. How bad could they be?
Upon opening the tin, I was actually pleasantly surprised – I was greeted by the scent of well-smoked bacon. Thankfully, these tabs, unlike the cupcake tabs, actually smelled like the product they purported to taste like. They looked the same, and unfortunately behaved the same when submerged in water. I popped 3 tablets into my mug and watched as the Bacon Chum slowly formed.
I honestly couldn’t bring myself to drink from the scum-covered pond of bacon water that occupied my mug. Instead, I popped one of the bacon-flavored tablets into my mouth, re-enacting my cupcake tab experiment. This time around was just as awful, albeit a lot more smokey. I would liken the experience to guzzling half a bottle of Liquid Smoke. I quickly chewed the tablet to end my misery, then I sucked down a cup of coffee to rid myself of the “bacon” aftertaste.
Again, I was sorely disappointed with my flavor drink experience. If I ever dare to purchase a fun candy product from ThinkGeek, I hope to fare better than I did this time around.
I recently received a gift card to ThinkGeek and decided to pick up a few random items for review. When the package arrived, the first of the goodies I tested were the Effervescent Cupcake Drink Tabs.
When I first saw them online, I figured screw turning water to wine – you can’t get much better than making water into cupcakes, or at least somewhat cupcake-y water. The tin and its contents looked safe enough – For $3.99, you get a small tin with 15 nickel-sized cupcake tablets. I popped one into a coffee mug of water and waited for the cupcake explosion to ensue.
Then, I waited some more.
I was expecting and Alka-Seltzer-like “Plop plop fizz fizz, i’m drinking freaking cupcake water!!” Instead, after 15 minutes of swirling the tablet in the cup, I had this:
That’s not effervescence my friends, that’s what I like to call “Cupcake Chum”. For the life of me, I can’t figure out what the water now resembles. I know, however what it doesn’t resemble – a cupcake.
The water was relatively tasteless, and after about 15 minutes, I gave up. Here, you can see what was left of the tablet after all was said and done.
I figured that if the tabs didn’t work in water, they might work if I simply ate them like a breath mint. I was wrong. Dead wrong.
The tabs seemed far more effervescent while in my mouth, but the flavor certainly didn’t wow me. It was somewhat cloyingly sweet, while also salty – probably due to the tablets containing some amount of baking soda in order to provide the lackluster effervescent bubbles. The tablet didn’t really taste like cupcakes either. There was a hint of eating frosting from the can, but that sensation was fleeting at best.
I was quickly losing faith in these miracle tabs, so I shoved a few more tablets in my mouth just to see if I could concentrate some of the cupcake goodness. This time around, I decided to chew them immediately to release the cupcake beast within. All I got was a mouth full of salty Cupcake Chum, and some strange looks from the people around me, as I was now foaming at the mouth like a rabid dog.
All in all, I am sorely disappointed in the cupcake tab experience. I partially blame ThinkGeek for not testing these ahead of time and discovering what a huge cupcake failure this tin contained. However, I also blame myself for having such high expectations of a $4 tin of “Cupcake Tablets”.
Next up: Effervescent Bacon Drink Tabs….I can’t wait!
Take a good long look at that picture. Unfortunately, that’s not a picture of strawberry ice cream. Think about that picture each and every time you stop by a fast food restaurant for chicken nuggets.
You might be asking, “What does that picture have to do with chicken nuggets?”
The quick answer would be “everything”. The long answer goes something like this:
Say hello to mechanically separated chicken. It’s what all fast-food chicken is made from—things like chicken nuggets and patties. Also, the processed frozen chicken in the stores is made from it.
Basically, the entire chicken is smashed and pressed through a sieve—bones, eyes, guts, and all. it comes out looking like this.
There’s more: because it’s crawling with bacteria, it will be washed with ammonia, soaked in it, actually. Then, because it tastes gross, it will be reflavored artificially. Then, because it is weirdly pink, it will be dyed with artificial color.
I can only imagine mechanically separated beef and pork look just as terrifying. On a diet? Keep that picture in your wallet and give it a good look the next time you feel like breaking down and feasting on some junk food!